At the end of June, I decided that I couldn’t keep on teaching at a regular school, that working from 7:30am to 11pm every day was not healthy, and that spending more time with my work than with my family and friends was not something I wanted. So, I made myself an amazing gift: one year.
One year to figure out what it is that I want to do. One year to work on my blog and see where that goes. One year to spend time with the people I loved and work on my relationships. One year to start a masters degree and see if I still enjoy education enough to pursue higher education for myself. One year to start fresh. One year to do yoga. One year to take care of myself.
Well, it’s been six months now. I thought it would be a good time to recap and see what I have learned so far.
At the beginning of this six months, I was really inspired by the “say yes to everything” idea. Say yes to every opportunity and see where it leads you. I liked the idea of being open and positive about what might happen and what projects might be knocking on my door. As I didn’t have anything on my plate, it was great to say yes to one thing after another. I felt busy. I felt energized. I loved working on different things at different times and rhythms. I loved that people were asking for my participation. The only thing I forgot was to ask myself: do I really want this? Do I really need this?
In many cases, the answer is no. I do not want this project. I do not need it either. It doesn’t bring me joy, it brings me stress and anxiety. Worse of all, some of the things I’m spending the most time on these days are taking me away from my family, away from my blog, away from my mat and away from myself. I’m finding myself, yet again, in a position where I don’t know what I want, without time to think about it. And so that’s why I’m starting to say no.
It’s hard to say no because I don’t want to disappoint people. I don’t want to look like I’m selfish or not trying hard enough. But, I’m learning to accept that it’s healthy to say no. That it is okay to do only what I can. That there is no glory in being exhausted and overburdened all the time.
It’s also hard to say no because everyone seems to be saying yes to great things. Everyone seems to be leading these exciting lives. Everyone seems to have everything in order. But, see, that’s the thing: they seem to be. The more I share my worries and my views on this, the more I realize that most people my age are completely lost and looking for their own ways too. I don’t think we’re lazy or undecided as a generation. Maybe it’s just that we want to try something else than what is being handed to us. And that’s inspiring and amazing.
In a way, I think all of this is linked to respect: respecting my limits and my own desires. By asking myself if I really want to do something, I’m hoping to move, little by little, in a direction that will be meaningful and fulfilling to me, to my heart while giving my space for my priorities. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
So for the next six months, I’ll be saying no a lot more! You can expect more regular content on the blog starting mid-December and exciting projects growing and growing. Tune in in 6 months, to see where that led me!